you try and tell me how the world isnt fucked up
You guys know how it was a full moon the other night? well yeah i wokeup in my room, there was scratch marks all over my wall and yeah…. my familys dead
Starting my diploma of sports soon. personal trainer foshizzle
Horay for rich parents… i do what i do, when i do what i do
catchy song. me like.
still pretty sure that story i wrote was amazing
I laugh at myself… constantly
Ok so iv started this new job, and theres a pretty hot chick working there, her name is Jess somthing, shes like 23-24 and she looks after all the rosters and stuff. Anyway, i had to log onto a computer to check my next weeks roster but id forgotten my password, so i went to see her to see if she could help me out.
I walked into her office, it was lunchtime and i was like 15 mins early so i just awkwardly made stupid stall talk untill she was finished.
This is how this epic event went down
Me: “Oh hey, what u eating?”
Jess: “salmon, i love it, i eat it practically everyday”
Me: “just salmon? thats pretty weird” why the hell did i say that….
Jess: “Oh well i dunno, im always trying to eat healthy and stuff, like berries and honey”
Me: “true, yeah i like food too”
After that stupid conversation had finished she started to organise my stuff and went to have a look what my password was… this is when shit hit the fan..
Jess: “ok so your account name is Andrew, and ur password is Mrbigdick”
Shit, i completly forgot that i had that as my password, i was crazy embarresed, it took me like 20 seconds of silence to get my balls together, stand up and leave. Just as i was walking out the door she says,
Jess: “In the future, u might want to bear in mind the things u should keep to yourself”
It was the most embarresed iv ever been, so i decided to man up and apologise to her. i turned to her, lookd her straight in the eye. And then it hit me like a train full of shitbricks.
She was eating salmon……
She tries to eat healthy, natural foods, berries, honey…..
She told me i might want to bear in mind things that i should keep to myself….
Jess was a bear disguised as a human!…..
Immediately the bear saw that i had see through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me, i deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made out of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out of the back entrance, the bear followed, tossing the receptionist aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While i fought my way through a maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything that was standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining… fast, i had no option but to go into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from there naps. Immediately the bear slammed through the walls, crushing a child beneath its massive paws and burying several other children beneath sheet rock and debris. i maneuvered my way through the chaos to the back exit. The mere children where little more then a screaming annoyance for the bear, its massive claws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used this precious time that the toddlers had given me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a later to a fort like structure. I walked across the monkey bars and dived into a tree, climbing it to the very top so i could jump onto the roof of the preschool. I flagged down a passing helicopter and flew off into the sunset.
p.s. I would like to thank Boredem + awesomness + my god like coolness.
Weed = rad
Had a crazy weekend, same again this weekend aswell, 21 on the 15th, shityes my weekend is gonna be the biggest blur…. p.s. this chick is a fuckin babe